Howdy! I'm Bard.

This is my website. Welcome! I mainly use this as a file dump for images I want to use in Tower Unite, but I also want to use this for a bio without a character limit.

I always struggle to describe myself and something that makes it worse is websites that just don't allow a descriptive bio. I made this website so I can share who I am with the world as well as to share my art.

To start, I'm 20 years old. I grew up in Texarkana, TX but I live in California now as of Jan, 2020. (I like it much better here.) I'm genderfluid/nonbinary and prefer it/its pronouns, but I'll tolerate any pronoun you use for me. I'm usually online on VRChat or Discord on most weekdays since I'm still working on getting a job. My birthday is October 18th and I'm a libra. I really like astrology, regardless of whether I believe in it or not -which is unclear. I believe in balance and empathy above most things, though I do put on my breathing mask first when push comes to shove. Speaking of beliefs, I'm not sure about my religious ones. Everyone is entitled to what brings them peace so long as it doesn't explicitly cause harm to others so I don't judge anyone for their beliefs, but I find myself sitting on an island, only occasianly visited by christian beliefs. I'm much more spiritual than religious.

I have an invisible disability that makes my life a bit harder. It's called fibromyalgia and it manifests as random, near constant pain in every section of my body. It gets worse with exertion. I also have chronic headaches and GERD (Gastro-esophogal reflux disease). The GERD results in heartburn and acid reflux. I'm medicated for the headaches and GERD but haven't been able to medicate the fibro so I tend to go easy on myself and use heating pads, warm teas, and tylenol when necessary. While on the topic of my health, I have some sort of breathing difficulty? I'm prescribed an inhaler and was told by one doctor that I had to stop taking an old medicine because I had asthma, but I don't think I've ever been officially diagnosed with asthma and I don't know enough to confirm or deny the concept. I do know, however, that if I ever sigh in your presence it's most likely because I stopped breathing and needed to manually reset my breathing cycle. For now I can only hold my breath for ten seconds, but I'm hoping to improve that so I can one day go freediving or maybe even mermaiding.

Now, let's talk about my nuerodivergence. And I'll also be including mental disorders in here- I'm going with a very literal definition of neurodivergence that basically means, here's how my brain works differently than everyone else's. Do I think that is the correct way to do it? I have absolutely no idea. I'm doing this to experiment with a nuetral feeling towards some of my experiences that I'm not so neutral towards, like my OCD which - in my uninformed opinion - is a purely negative experience. I'm also bipolar (though medicated) and have CPTSD (which I'm in therapy for). I'm also ADHD and autistic, which has its pros and cons. I feel emotions differently than the people around me and sometimes that can mean more regulation than others or less. My neurodivergence and disorders are just a part of the big brain soup that makes me, me.

Due to my complex relationship with my autism and childhood trauma, I identify as otherkin. I wasn't really treated like a person growing up and I've started to reclaim that nonhuman idea that others projected onto me. It helps me rationalize my misunderstandings of social cues and difficulties bonding with neurotypicals when I can call myself an alien and see myself in alien characters in shows. In calling myself a cat, I get to remind myself that I'm worthy of love and affection just the way a cat would be and it helps me allow myself to make mistakes and not be too harsh on myself in response. Considering myself a cat gives me a sense of power and control while also indicating a sense of cuteness and an invitation for others to treat me with warmth and kindness that I didn't get as much as a human. Plus the ears and tails are cute. And finally, to finish out this otherkin/polykin (an otherkin with multiple kintypes) segment, I feel like a mermaid. I've always loved swimming and had an interest in marine biology. The idea of being able to breathe under water and explore the worlds oceans has always brought me a sense of freedom and joy. I think this really compunded on me when I watched H2O Just Add Water and realized that someone could have the best of both worlds and live both on land and sea. Sure, one could say that I only wish I was a mermaid but couldn't possibly be one because 1. they aren't real and 2. you can't choose your identity. My response to that is, realness doesn't matter and who says I can't choose? I'm not hurting anyone with my labels, I simply exist as I am, and I've noticed that when I celebrate these parts of me others tend to join in. Living as I am inspires others to live as they are and I couldn't be happier with that result. Maybe one day I'll permanently cast my ears and tail aside, let go of my lure to the sea, and embrace humanity in all its errors- Maybe one day that ill-fitting attire with be just the right size. But this is where I am now and I'm proud of who I've grown up to be. I think my child self would look to me with eyes full of wonder. That brings me joy and that's all that matters.